“Man, I wish I had your faith.”
You know the people who just always have it all together? (Read: you know everyone except for the two of us?)
Must be nice to be them. Life seems pretty sweet, because even in the midst of trial, they can still praise the God that seems so distant to me. They have this undying hope that seems to have a lifetime warranty: “if your hope starts to fail, God will fix it for free! No conditions apply!!” And then the conditions around us begin swamping us. Conditions certainly seem to apply here, and life seems to be trying to apply them with all its force. Like, “Hey, who can I get to break first?” And we point to those really righteous people, yelling, “Try them, not me!” And it does try them, and those people just never go under.
Admit it. You’re jealous just like I am.
Life is pushing with a lot of pressure right now. And I’d love to say and truly mean that I’m leaning really hard into God and singing my praises all day long, but instead, I’m trying to pretend I’m happy while I belt songs like Beyonce’s “Listen” at the top of my pathetic lungs. Wonderfully worshipful, I know; very remedial for a patchy relationship with the Lord of the Universe who seems so present for everyone except yourself.
I’m still angry. I might be somewhat depressed. I’m exhausted, annoyed, terrified, and grieving, possibly (probably?) all at the same time. Is this a hard time? Yeah. Am I a bad Christian because of this? …I mean, I could try to be a “better” Christian, but since life doesn’t even work that way, I would say no. Am I human? Probably, which means I make mistakes. Mistake after mistake after mistake.
The last part is the important point. We’re all humans, and we all pretty much stink at life. True, some will find it easier to praise God through trial, and others just have to buckle down and try as hard as they can to keep from drowning; but we all mess up, and we all have our strong and weak points. We all hit rock bottom (some just do it a little more gracefully than others). And none of us really have it all together.
I can struggle and cry and mess up and not always “feel God.” I can cling to the hope that this, too, will come to an end, and that I really don’t have to have it all together, because then I wouldn’t need God in the first place. We don’t always have to be the spiritual gurus who have all the answers; we can simply be and trust that this will be used for His kingdom somehow, even if we can’t see it now.
Therefore, I’m very happy to announce that I don’t have it all together. And I’m happy to tell you that you don’t have to be strong all the time either. So I guess we’re all the latter group in the title of this post.